Monday, May 14, 2012

This is how I troll

Note: The following is not considered a "typical" TFTG post. I just really wanted to get this out there. Regularly scheduled programming will resume when I feel like it.

Yesterday evening I was lurking Facebook, and I came across the profile of a high-schooler named Clay. In one of his semi-recent statuses, he wrote "Top 10 cutest girls," followed by a numbered list of girls he apparently thought were cute, with links to each of their Facebook profiles.
Now, I'm not one to put my admittedly large nose in other peoples' business, but since the status was public and I felt that these girls were being ridiculously disrespected, I decided to comment on the status and voice my opinion (read: "troll the shit out of him"). This is the shitstorm that followed (slightly abridged, for both length and continuity):

Me: This is the scummiest thing I think I've ever seen in my life.

Clay: cool story bro

Me: HAHA GREAT RESPONSE BRO TOTALLY SHOWED ME. Quit being so goddamn desperate and hire a prostitute or something.

Clay: Haha desperate? Ya no im not desperate bitch how old are you? Grow the fuck up i dont even fuckin know you gtfo

Me: The fact that you would rate these girls based on "cuteness," linking to each and every one of their Facebook pages, hoping to garner some sort of sad attention from each and every one of them, no matter what the placement on your list, is absolutely the definition of desperation, my friend.  That's not even the worst part, though. The worst part is that you chose to actually put these girls in order of descending "cuteness," which is basically like saying one girl is better than another based entirely upon her looks. It's shallow, scummy and I feel sorry for any girl that may have fallen for it.

Vikki: Lmao. What a rhandom pussy talking shit over Facebook about something so harmless. Only a lonely little boy would get into someone else's shit like this and turn it into drama. What a joke.

Me: I don't see your name on the above list, so apparently you're not cute enough to Clay to comment on this status. Your opinion is invalid. Sorry, honey! Also, learn how to fucking spell. Since when does the word "random" have an 'h' in it?

Clay: Youre stupid there my friends dumbshit are you done?haha and i feel sorry for whoever falls for youre bullshit idgaf what you say okay? I didnt ask for youre opinion talk to someone that actually gives a fuck

Me: It's like trying to convince a brick wall that it's made of bricks.

Clay: Hahahhaha lmfao talk about a creeper

Me: You claim I'm the creeper, yet you're the one treating women like objects. Yeah, totally the creeper here.

Jordon: hmmm whats ,ore pathetic the fact that you started talking shit or that your still going on about it? Mature. These girls liked his shit so the wanted to be rated and its not your fucking business what either one of the girls or clay says or does. What you mad cause girls dont like your shit or that he actually has cute girls to like his shit gtfo off bro you aint got shit on clay!

Me: Yeah, you're right. I should aspire to be more like him, whining about how I'm single on Facebook and getting pity likes for it. Of course girls are going to love it when you compliment them, it's in their nature. But you don't have to be so fucking disgusting about it.

Clay: Yeah you think you're such a genius when you're makin a big fuckin deal out of a status that doesn't even concern you so yeah you're the creeper and no I dont treat women like objects you can ask every single one of them on here ,ohh wait you're way too old too talk to them , you would rate underage girls creep ha

Me: What the fuck are you even rambling on about? Try to form a coherent sentence, *then* attempt to insult me.

Jordon: What the fuck does it matter to you!? and youre the one to talk you just straight up disrespected Vikki? And if your tired of seeing him post that shit then dont fucking look or block him simple and you just made your self apart of this by commenting and i didnt see clay asking for you opinion now did he? yea i thought so.

Me: I'm just hoping that every single girl mentioned in this status sees what I have said. I hope they realize how fucking pitiful and disrespectful this is, and act accordingly. And that girl Vikki, well, she seems like she's sort of a cunt.

Clay: Bitch Im not insulting you ,I don't know you nor do I give a fuck who you are if you got such a big problem with me and the shit I post then fuckin post up idgaf how old you are you don't phase me I've fought bigger pieces of shit than you so either post up or shut the fuck up

Me: You keep claiming to not "gaf," yet keep responding to my comments. Clearly, you have plenty of fucks to give, otherwise I wouldn't still be here. And what the fuck does "post up" mean? If you're going to use a term to threaten someone, it should be one that is pretty widely known, you lepton.

London (#2 on list, dating Clay, also Jordon's sister): Actually um who evee the fuck you are I don't see this as disrespectful er pitiful. So I don't even know why you brought your shit on here just hoping for some something.

Jordon: Woah talking about clay being disrespectful you just called a female a cunt yo if her bf doesnt beat the hell out of you i will thats beyond disrespectful but oh im sorry clay you a feminest! fuck this piece of shit! dawg he doesnt have shit on you!

Me: I call it 'em as I see 'em. I'm sure she's a perfectly lovely individual to some, but to me, she's a cunt. Plain and simple. And Jordon, please take my advice and learn how to spell. I'm tired of having to slog through you and Clay's idiot-speak.

Clay: Post up ,fight me, do it you wanna be mr. Genius thinking these girls will listen to a creepy fagg like you ha yeah come get youre ass kicked im 16 idc how old you are fuckin do it or shut the fuck up

Jordon:Brandon he called your girl a cunt!


Jordon: Blow me fuck face! you keep digging your self in a bigger hole

Me: Yeah, I'm totally scared now. Man, I am just pissing my pants from fear. I'd better stop, huh?

Brandon (Vikki's boyfriend): Hell nah dog where u stay at u don't disrespect my fucking girl

Paige (#5 on list): Wow this is fight is so stupid!!

Me: Aw shit, Brandon is here! Uh-oh you guys! *shakes in boots*

Paige (#5): No it's freaking retarded!! Like this isn't any of your business and you are making a big deal out of it!! God I hate people like you like serious DROP IT!!

Charles: What a pussy nigga lol

Me: I think we should all just sit down and enjoy a nice dictionary together, how does that sound?

Jordon: I think every Guy on here should take atleast 5 minutes beating the fuck out of you. Huh how does that sound


Clay: hes justg a fuckin idiot trying to call me an idiot cuz he doesnt agree with my status haha i really dont care what he thinks but he thinks every girl tagged in this gives a fuck what he thinks

Charles: Damn clay be smashin that nigga xD

Jordon: You dont know me bitch nor do you know clay or brandon or vikki so grow the fuck up and take your Disrespecting ass somewhere else and do you whatever it is fags do and clay will continue to be better then you K bye

Me: If any of the girls in this status had any amount of self-respect, they would be ridiculously offended at this. Ladies, respect yourselves more, and men will begin respecting you more.

Charles: Bet this nigga sucks dick ^

London (#2): Okay how is this even disrespecting?dude your.A dumbasss!

Jordon: omg such a gentalmen! gtfo outa here! obviously we know wtf where doing if we have fucking fiances and girlfriends wtf you have a "dictonary"

Paige (#5): Wow!!! Dude you sir are pathetic!! This status had absolutely not to do with you in anyway!! But you just had to get your opinion!! But um honestly like half the people here just don't really care for what you have to say!! This has been blown way out of proportion and everyone just needs to stop!!

Jordon: No paige watch out you need to respect your self more cause if not you might not get the respect you need

Me: Just to make my point, I'm going to start referring to every girl mentioned on the list as the number that she was assigned, okay? #2, it's because of the concept behind the whole thing. Women are more than pretty faces. #5, I agree that it has been blown out of proportion. But hey, I've got to defend myself, right?

Charles: This nigga^

Clay: haha let him talk his shit thats all this bitch will do dont wory let him study his dictionary and let us carry on with our lives

Jordon: Woah #2 is my fucking sister watch your fucking mouth! idgaf who you are nigguh say another thing about her bitch

London (#2): Okay dude I'm more than a fucking number, so talk about disrespect.

Charles: Jordon jump that nigga

Me: Jordon, if my "imaginary sister" was on a list like this, I would stop at nothing to beat the shit out of the scum that had said this about her. Clearly your priorities when it comes to your kin are skewed. #2, you're more than a number? *looks at original status* Huh.

Paige (#5): You wouldn't have to "defend" yourself of you never even comment on this!! And you want to sit here and say Clay was being disrespectful when now you are referring to us as number?! How is that not disrespectful?! Please tell me cause I would LOVE to know cause last time I checked I had a name!!

Me: Calm down #5, I'm just using the numerical system to drive my point home. Being a number doesn't feel too great, does it?

Clay: yeah youre stupid youre trying to make me look bad when really youre making yourself look like an idiot . haha

Jordon: He wasnt defendin london he tried making her look stupid! i dont see him with a girl! I got Keilah! Clay got London! who he got?! Ok bitch my imaginary sister! hahahahah fucking ha! and Clay doesnt refer to them as numbers Bitch unlike people like you! he knows them! so take your shit and go! oh what your prolly beating off to the list of girls cause you've never seen a more cuter set have you. oh im sorry sucks for you!

London (#2): Dude fuck off you obvioulsy just want attention if you keep coming back on something that you just randomly steped in on. Yeah straight up I have a name so call me by itt stuip ass bitch!

Me:  Jordon, I can't understand a word of what you are writing. #2, no thanks. My first impression of you was a number, therefore a number is all you will ever be to me. Blame Clay.

Charles: Nigga aint bout shit look at his pic you see them dick suckin lips

Paige (#5): Yea no I'm not gonna calm down cause first off to are being very rude! No one asked for your opinion and secondly again I have a name and in real life that's what people call me not #5 like that is disrespectful in so many ways I can't even begin to tell you how rude that is!! So maybe you should hop off and drop it cause this is stupid!!

Jordon: you dude your a fucking piece of shit i hope you know that

Me: Don't get mad at me because your sister didn't get the top spot. Guess she wasn't "cute" enough.

London (#2): Your the biggest DUMBASS I have ever seen!

Me: It's "you're." Smooth.

Jordon: i dont need education you piece of shit cause i have more then you do dumb ass and thats fine :) cause the funny part is Clay and my sister are dating so idgaf stupid "cunt"

Charles: Jordon stick this nigga

Jordon: trust me if he was in front of me i would

Me: You literally just said the sentence: "i dont need education you piece of shit cause i have more then you do dumb ass and thats fine." I don't even know how to begin to comprehend the stupidity present in those few words.

Clay: bitch who the fuck do you think you are to talk shit to these girls shut the fuck up already nobody gives a fuck about you and uhh i know paige very well and shit i know london even more so just fuckin leave nobody cares what you have to say so be the man you think you are and just leave

Jordon: i litterally dont care wtf you think of me im sorry i dont listen to pigs who disrespect females

Me: Quit listening to your future brother-in-law, then.

Charles: Call this nigga out to fight if they for real about it that is

Clay: haha that ty kid isnt about shit just words that he thinks people wanna hear

Daniel: I want to hear what he has to say, is that bad? The point here is that Ty, actually caring about the things said to a lady, was, and is, saying that this is a horrible excuse for a 'list of numbers that are girls'.

Jordon: ok for one clay didnt call a chick a cunt, clay is a better then him he just has words. THAT NO ONE FUCKING CARES ABOUT!

London (#2): Dude for real you got all that shit to talk over facebook, but thats probably all you can do.

Daniel: I didn't know defending a lady was 'talking shit'.

Clay: you wanna be the man you think you are do it bitch ,if not haha just cut youre balls off ,but id love for you to fucking do something about it

Paige (#5): Oh my god!!! Just stop!! Dang you are trying to prove a point and you are failing at it!! God you are so stupid and big headed that you don't even know that you need to stop and move on!! No one cares about what have to say do hop off!!


Me: You guys just keeeeeeep on posting. Keep it coming. I'll be laughing about this for days.

Clay: bitch ill assign you a number #1 on my hit list so come on bitch stop typing your pussy shit talk and fucking do something

Me: You aren't worth the time I'd spend in prison.

Jordon: females on our side not yours and id knock your fucking teeth down your throat for calling vikki a cunt and talk shit bout my sister

Me: I'm not the one that assigned a number to her. Why don't you ask your parents what they think about the situation? I dare you to go ask your parents what they think of "rating girls based on cuteness." I absolutely fucking dare you.

Jordon: ok my mom doesnt give a shit. nor does anyone else!! go ask your mom about calling a female a cunt i dare you.

Paige (#5): Maybe you should realize that no one cares about your opinion before jumping into something and trying to fight with people!! You have no right to call someone out like that in the first place!!

Jordon: wait paige be careful he might call you a cunt too

Me:#5, calm the fuck down.


London (#2): I know your faggot ass just keeps posting & running your mouth like anyones even listening. Because if your gonna talk all this shit at least have shit to back it up, cuz clearly you have nothing behind you!

Me: Jordon, who are you talking about? #5? Oh, she's #5 to me. And #2, clearly they're listening, they're responding.

Daniel: Maybe you should all realize I AGREE WITH THE MAN. It's like talking to a bunch of morons. Oh wait.

Paige (#5): Oh I could care less!! And why should I calm down when you are trying to sit here and call me by a number?! Faggot I have a name!! And you need to seriously hop off!! Cause sorry to burst your bubble but no one cares!!

Clay: he wont do shit he just enjoys talkin shit calling girls numbers and trying to make me look like im despereate for a girl when in reality hes desperate for attention haa

London (#2): Bitch my names london, learn before you try responding to me again, k thanks :)

Keilah (Jordon's "fiance," who is pregnant): Lol ummm Mr. "Ty Walters" you look like Waldo. Lmao look I understand that u can portray that u have massive balls behind a computer screen but we allllll fucking kno in reality u stay home and masterbate in ur mommy's basement to dungeons and dragons. Just cuz ur "penis" has never penetrated a lady part doesn't mean u should rant about it you fucking virgin dick. These are my friends and my bf so lay off and go do what u do best which is rot inur basement but ITS OKAY cuz at least ur "friends" give a shit about ur pathetic worthless ass right? Lmao

Me: ‎^ lern 2 type u moran

Jordon: I know you didnt call Keilah a moron!?

Me: No, I called her a moran. Learn to read. This entire status is proof that the generation behind mine is completely doomed.

Charles: Damn jordons girl blast ur ass lmfao

London (#2): So hes back to disrepescting girls again, first calling a girl a cunt, now a moron,

Jordon: ok you signed your death wish?! Bro you don't even know! My girl has more fucking intelligent then you have in a fucking brain cell! iI will scrape the pavement with your ugly ass face

Me: ‎"My girl has more fucking intelligent then you have in a fucking brain cell!" That's all I really have to say about that.

Clay: dude why dont you take youre albert einstein asss back to youre generation and talk shit to girls and guys youre age haha if youre not gonna do shit then leave youre fucking annoying

Keilah: Lol no one is doomed here but u. Really goes to show that all u need in ur life is some conversation on some random persons profile to go and lurk on....ummmm tha fuck is ur problem dude? R u upset cuz u rate assholes that you've fucked instead of attractive girls?

Daniel: I know plenty of attractive girls who do deserve to be with people that actually care- and not treat them like THIS SHIT they call a LIST OF CUTENESS.

Jordon: I have my girl and you dont see me being fucking pathetic like you two dumb fucks

Charles: Look everybody meet at dow park and we will sit this shit up i knw clay is down but what about u pussy jordon he talkin shit to ur gurl best get this nigga

Clay: fuck that shit meet up at dblock if you about anything you say on this shit

Jordon: that's my bro and your lurking on his shit and please please let me see you for talking shit about/too keilah! omg i just pray that you show up in Dena! please Nigguh i dont play games if you going to speak my name put em on your knuckles and lets knuckle up!

Daniel: May I offer some English tutoring?

Keilah: Ty Walters is a pathetic piece of shit. All I really have to say about that. Call me all u want ha I'm just happy I don't look like u

Me: I challenge each and every one of you to a fight. Come at me bros.

London (#2): Dude they will all fuck your shit up.

Jordon: When and where bro when and where?!

Me: Dow park, tomorrow at 4 PM. I'll fucking be there.

Charles: Go to dow ill knock yo ass out cold bet up on that nigga

Jordon: Ha babe ill be busy tomorrow. Charles you down?! clay wbu?!

Keilah: Ty I challenge you to get laid b4 u die

Me: I challenge you to not get knocked up. Oh wait.

Keilah: Awe are you upset cuz mommy doesn't show you enough attention? Oh wait....did I hit a soft spot lmao ur gonna have to try harder than that to "insult" me dear you don't phase me ;)

Jordon: Ok bitch! your fucking done I told you i dare you and you kept going! you're done

Me: Man, the two of you are going to be parents? That makes me want to fucking kill myself. And we will see tomorrow, I'll bring plenty of friends.

Charles: friends nigga u to pussy to fight one on one man fuck this i want that ty pussy

Daniel: Then why are 5+ of you going over there?

Jordon: nah charles he became mine when he shit talked keilah and london and vikki

Charles: Ty i wanna fight u be at dow at 5 ur pussy ass better show up

Me: Yeah, totally bro.

Jordon: oh your backing out now?!

Charles: Damn if i go up there im fighting sum one

Me: Who said anything about backing down?

Daniel: Look, apparently you're letting your fiancee, I hope he is that is, to go fight an unknown stranger, who could- for all we know- have a fucking gun.

Jordon: wat a pussy. bringing a gun cause he got booty hurt. ha i laugh hahaha

Keilah: Lol no one would need a gun for you two....maybe a dildo then u two can play fetch ;)

London (#2): Why are either of you too still here. As you can see no one knows really listening to either of you too! Yall are just two little punks who like to go around fucking with everyone & getting into shit that isnt even yours. Yeah shows how MATURE yall are.

Me: Ohhhh, man. I think I'm about done here. Thanks for the free entertainment everyone, this will make a wonderful example of how fucking pitiful this generation is. Good game, all. Good game.

Jordon: are you done masterbating now? is that why you're leaving?

Charles: jordon is my boy and if u fuck with him u got me Ty dont back down now u already started this up now finsh it

Keilah: Awe so soon? I guess your lurking here is done BRO lol No WONDER why ur a virgin

Charles: He a pussy he aint bout shit

Clay: hes full of shit ahahha dont take his "insults" seriously ,his whole "point" was to try and make me look bad and say im despereate for a girl just because i posted a status that had nothing to do with him

Charles: U see his pics man ill fuck that kids world up with one hit man i swear let me get him


  1. What I love about this entire innocuous shitstorm of cursewords is that through it all, only ONE PERSON understands the point that you're trying to make. They literally CANNOT UNDERSTAND what you're driving at. It's like their skulls are 6" thick. *shakes head*

  2. Have to agree with Vikki on this one:

    "What a rhandom pussy talking shit over Facebook about something so harmless. Only a lonely little boy would get into someone else's shit like this and turn it into drama. What a joke."

    Do you seriously have nothing better to do with your time than troll high school kids? Love ya kid but you need to get a life.

    1. And you think your actions were noble? You should probably understand that no one gives a fuck about your opinion. Even if they had, it's not like your approach is going to garner any respect or show them that they're pigs.

      Considering the situation, rating girls by cuteness is certainly a harmless activity. You might have a point if they were 1) rating girls by cleavage 2) rating girls by how thin they were or 3) rating girls by skill at giving head. You're probably too young to understand that girls actually want to be objectified, and in addition to that the majority don't want a guy who acts like a pussy trying to respect their feelings. You definitely weren't acting like a man by interjecting yourself into their business.

    2. Excuse me, I actually had a valid reason for doing what I did. I didn't want to mention it originally, but I know someone that was on it, and she wasn't exactly happy about it. In fact, she took her placement on the list very personally. She hated feeling objectified like that. Don't act like you know how all women feel, you fucking dickwad.

  3. Haha. These people are just pathetic. How they can go everyday and not forget to breathe is beyond me. Makes me with Natural Selection would work quickly.

  4. This entire thread is pedantic. I'm glad you think you're interesting.

    1. Yeah, this post is totally all about me. Definitely.

  5. So did you actually fight em?

    1. Nope, I am over 18 and most of them were not. I'd rather not go to prison.

  6. Holy shit, I like how Jordon thinks he is cool because he knocked a girl up at 16. And also, they said you're going to back out randomly. DID YOU SEE THEM SHOW UP AND THEN DRIVE BY AND SAY "murica fuck yeah"?

  7. I thought you were justified in your actions, however I think you could have handled yourself in a more professional manner. For instance, if you're going to insult someone who you know is of lesser intelligence than yourself, it is better to not partake in their practice of general mudslinging (i.e. expounding on their sexual preferences, whether or not they happen to suck certain genetalia, and especially downright calling them a moron). In this situation, it is best to use your whit (subtle sarcasm is a personal favorite) to confuse them into admitting their faults. For example, when Jordon (let me just say this right now, caps lock is never the answer. If you want to appear as if you are shouting, use an exclamation mark. I find this does the job and is more civil than having your brash text strewn across the screen) said AN NO ONE ON HERE GIVES TWO FLYING *expletive*S WHAT YOU THINK! I would have said something along the lines of: "No need to shout, you practically deafened my mouse with that obstreperous response." Based on what I've read about these kids, none of them are going to know what obstreperous means (it's a shame really, it has such a nice ring to it) and they're most likely too busy with not giving two flying expletives to go look it up. He'll probably respond with something similar to: "obviously we know wtf where doing if we have *expletive* fiances and girlfriends wtf you have a 'dictionary'" Such a clearly well thought out grouping of characters such as this masterpiece deserves recognition. Let me start off by saying that regardless of the argument, whenever anyone says something this embarrassingly unintelligent, you are beyond reasoning with this person. This is perhaps why your message was received with mixed results; your audience was a group of uneducated, ignorant, and boisterous teenagers whose apparent sole focus in life is procreation and violence. Allow me to digress a little and say that having a fiancé at the age of 16 is not something to be proud of. Getting your Driver's Licensce so that you can drive your pregnant girlfriend to the doctor for an ultrasound is not an accomplishment, it is an embarrassment. However not all that shocking, if they received their sexual education at the same facility they received their remedial English lessons. The "obviously we know what where doing" made me chuckle, because not only do they not know what they're doing, they believe that what they're doing is so outstandingly right that it would be obvious to a complete stranger! Anyway, I don't pretend to be an expert on confrontation, these are just the opinions of someone who is not a horrible example of an English speaker. Moral of the rant: be polite to the imbeciles you're arguing with and they'll be so confused that they'll make themselves look dumber. As a post script, I particularly enjoyed the line about the dictionary, that made the rest of their atrocious English worth reading.

  8. I promise you my generation precedes what these idiotic neanderthals have shown you. But to me it's more insulting that someone with your vocabulary chose to call an underaged girl a "cunt" and participate in a pointless battle against a bunch of dousches that will never get past highschool and already have children on the way at their age. This daniel fellow may have actually gotten the true point across if you would have kept your prestige and continued to confuse them until a fellow highschooler, that comprehended your original message, was able tho shed some light on the matter. If you are going to challenge something maybe you should have gone after the fact that "clay's" girlfriend was not number one on this silly list. Lastly, your rant was completely futile seeing as my news feed has at least 25 "like for a rate"s every day where insecure girls that want to be told they are a 10 find a self-esteem-bashing 3 on their walls and believe they only amount to that because some attractive guy was just another prick in society.